Nov 25, 2009

The worst time of the year.


This guy was not right.
This is not "the most wonderful timmmmme of the year".
This is the worst.
For city kids that is.
Correction, for snow junkie city kids it is.

Here's why;
It's getting colder and colder and Bobby Shredder wakes up every morning thinking "OH BOY! It's time to get my shred stick out and shred the gnar!" As soon as he leaves his house however, his smile fades away. Poor Bobby has remembered that he lives in San Fransisco where one can pray for snow all they want but it will never happen. Poor Bobby wakes up every day to a dull gray landscape dotted with bright colors of tourists. There will never be a snow day in Bobby's personal world. So Bobby leaves his beloved Rome Snowboard in the trunk of his car and heads off to school, hoping something will take his mind of the lack of shred in his life.

Bobby Shredder goes into his first class and tries to focus. He only last five minutes. Out comes a sheet of binder paper and the doodling begins. The paper has soon become a master piece of tail grabs, boardslides, and 360s. He smiles at his work and then goes to his next class, super excited for what he has in mind to step it up another notch. During this class he draws a birds eye view version of a park and then draws the front side of himself on another paper. He cuts it out and draws the back side. He bends mini-Bobby's knees and butt and then sets them up at the top of the park. Mini-Bobby is guided down the slope and does some phat tricks with the help of big Bobby. Now Bobby doesn't just have to imagine hitting the slopes, he gets to watch it. "Hey! Check out this tail tap 270!" Bobby whispers to his neighbor, who doesn't really care at all. By 3:00pm Bobby is feeling pretty stoked for winter, even though he won't be able to actually go snowboarding for a while. There is hope for Bobby. There is a glimmer of light in Bobby's heart, telling him that it is possible for him to survive the next couple of shredless months.

Bobby Shredder goes home and logs onto his facebook to do some chit-chatting. His spirit is crushed however when he notices that his friends in Oregon and Colorado have added tons of pictures of them tearing shit up. He desperatly searches through their pictures, like an addict on the hunt for coke. He can't get enough. He begins to stalk his friends, feeding off every new picture they post. Bobby joins sites like shredunion.com where he can discuss snowboarding all day long with other members. Bobby is in a bad place; he wakes up in the morning, checks his friends profiles for new shreddage, logs onto Shred Union between his classes and straps on his board in his living room, just so he can imagine he's boarding. Every morning Bobby wakes up with an unsatiable craving for pow. Every morning Bobby wakes up to gray snowlessness. Every morning Bobby's friends get more and more annoyed with his endless talk of snowboarding. Bobby is scared. He isn't sure if he can make it. His future is looking bleak. Theres a big circle around December 26th, the day he flys out to Oregon to go boarding. All he can do until then is watch snowboarding videos, harass his mountain friends, and make believe with pieces of paper. "This is the worst time of the year." Bobby mutters, finally closing facebook, hoping that ignoring all the fun his buddies are having will lessen the pain in his soul. Poor Bobby.

Photo credits: Brie Tiffany (Oregon) & Matthew Steinquist (Colorado). fucking lucky asses.

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